tangent ten: the PC guy has a name.

Happy belated Thanksgiving.

Um, yeah. I'm really sorry about this big break of mine. Well, not so much really sorry but sorry enough. Creativity chose to find its way back into my life, and I channeled it towards school work instead of tangenting. "Tangenting" is not a word. The red squiggly line is yelling at me. I'm not changing it. Sometimes that red squiggly line is wrong, but I'm fairly certain that it is correct about "tangenting". I just googled the word, and it appears I'm not the first person to coin the term. I don't need to go into any of that though. I will take a second to tell you that as I was writing my spiel about that nonexistent word, one of those Charmin commercials aired. (I hate them, in case you forgot.) Now my neck is twitching with discomfort. Great. Moving on. Today's tangent is one that I was originally going to write about last Thursday. Clearly that didn't happen. Last Wednesday night I watched John Hodgman speak at Barnes & Noble. Before you get nervous and start googling John Hodgman, let me save you the trouble. John Hodgman is a self-proclaimed minor celebrity who is probably best known to all of you as "the PC guy" in the clever Mac commercials. He's so much more than that though...so much more. I admit that upon venturing to the popular bookstore, I myself ignorantly viewed the opportunity primarily as the chance to see "the PC guy" in person. And perhaps add a few new books to my collection. The 3-for-2 deal is so clutch. So is the clearance aisle. Turns out I had $3 to my name and could not afford to buy anything except mints from the Starbucks cafe strategically located at the front of the store. Actually, after tax I couldn't even afford those. Starbucks has very reasonable prices, in case you didn't know. Who doesn't love paying $20 for a grande-tall-skim-mocha-machi-soy-latte-extra shot of sugar free caramel-espresso? Thank God I hate coffee. I do not thank God for my love of light Frappuccinos. Bloody delicious. Bloody expensive. My lack of financial means also meant I couldn't purchase Hodgman's book. I felt a little guilty for not being able to do this, but not guilty enough to give up my seat to someone who actually bought the book. My friends, Michael and Cameron, bought the book so our group wasn't completely full of moochers and fair-weather Hodgman fans. Plus, those who had books were able to get them signed after the reading. I, of course, did not qualify for this option. Point is, I got to sit. I took notes during the reading because, as I've mentioned before, I'm very cool and figured that I might be able to squeeze out a tangent from Hodgman's appearance. I didn't plan on the tangent showing up over a week late, but I'm not apologizing twice for that. It is what it is. My expectations about this man were greatly exceeded. He impressed me far beyond my wildest imagination. Okay, "wildest imagination" is a bit of a stretch but using "expectations" again would've sounded repetitive and boring. I won't go into a full-blown CliffsNotes summary about Hodgman's spiel, but I will tell you some interesting things about him that surpass his PC persona and, in my opinion, make him just as cool as, if not cooler than, Justin Long (the Mac guy and Drew Barrymore's ex-beau). No discredit to Justin because I do think he's rather cool himself. It's just that Justin didn't impress me last Wednesday. John did. And he did so in the flesh. As he spoke, he was sporting a very nice tuxedo that accentuated the positive points of his physique. I was angry to find out that among various bloggers he's been referred to as "chubby", "round-faced", and "the pudgy PC". I do not agree with any of these descriptions. He is not overweight and while his face does exhibit a certain circular nature, I would never go so far as to call him "round-faced". I thought he looked rather handsome in his chic tux and sleek, dark-rimmed glasses. He informed us that he owns a tuxedo, he does not need to rent anymore. You see, that's one of the many perks of being a minor celebrity. He wasn't always famous. I felt a strong connection to him when he mentioned that, like many of us, he once survived on Ramen noodles. The connection swelled as he spoke about eating uncooked Ramen noodles. Be honest. You've done this too. I always had trouble figuring out what to do with the flavor packet when I ate my Ramen au naturale. It's impossible to evenly sprinkle the chicken dust (or beef dust, depending on your flavor preference) over the noodle brick. The dust is clumpy and ends up falling heavily on one spot. The result is flavor dust overkill, and it is repulsive. Hodgman used to have this problem when he was "one of us" (that's code for poor and not famous). He suggested snorting the packet. It was eye-opening. It never occurred to me to do such a thing, but it makes so much sense. The only snortings I've ever dabbled in were the inhalation of Pixie Sticks in middle school and frequent Nasonex sniffs, due to my seasonal post nasal drip (minus 46 cool points); however, through the grapevine, I've learned that snorting is a rather speedy way to get a substance into the bloodstream. It would be practical to snort the chicken dust first. That way, the poultry flavor can disperse itself evenly throughout the body just as the consumption of the noodle brick begins. I haven't tested out this theory because I still have about $3 to my name, and I'm not about to blow it on a Ramen noodle experiment. That, and I'm a bit scared of the sting my nostrils will most likely acquire as a result of the snorting. I'll try to test it out eventually. Maybe. The Ramen flavor dust suggestion is just one of the reasons I want to be friends with John Hodgman. Another reason I want to be his BFF is because he flies first class and still experiences problems us coach-dwellers tend to have...lack of extra room not being one of them. Have you ever been on a flight and sat next to or near someone (a stranger, preferably) you imagined either A) becoming life-long friends with B) dating, marrying, and growing old with or C) forfeiting all personal morality and joining the mile-high club with? If not, fly more. There have been quite a few times in my life when I thought I'd be able to write an "inspired by a true story" screenplay after the plane landed. Somehow, as I prematurely begin to work out the details of a movie in my head, Freddie Prinze Jr. ends up with the leading male role and Roger Ebert only gives me 2 stars. That's probably because in all actuality, my screenplay inspiration never makes it past a lively 5-minute conversation, followed by my potential friend/soul mate/quickie sticking on an iPod and falling asleep. Better luck next time. Hodgman has also imagined A through C. His story was a more expensive version of my flight fantasy, but I'd like to think that he and I share similar unrealistic conundrums. Concerning option A, Hodgman was once on a flight with Kurt Russell and admitted, "I would like to hug him." He also described Russell as a handsome man, which I respected because I find it irritating when men are not able to heterosexually describe other men as attractive. It is blatantly obvious when a person, male or female, is a smokeshow...get over your issues. Options B and C were imagined about the same person. Hodgman was on a flight with Rachel Hunter (possibly the same flight Kurt Russell was on...I didn't make a note of that detail), who is: a former model, an actress(ish), an ex-wife of Rod Stewart, and most importantly, Stacy's mom. He was very perturbed that he did not get to sit next to Ms. Hunter because that seat was occupied by some guy doing Sudoku, who, as it turned out, wasn't very concerned about the knock-out sitting next to him. I can see why Hodgman had his panties in a wad. I would've too if a male version of Hunter had been just out of my reach. I'm not sure who a male version of Rachel Hunter is...Antonio Sabato, Jr. seems about right. Hunter chose to recline her seat and take a nap. The Sudoku guy just sat there, and Hodgman's frustration began to grow, for it would have been socially acceptable for him to recline his seat and sleep alongside Rachel Hunter, in hopes of feeling her breath on his cheek. Problem was he wasn't in the position to do so...the obnoxious, libidoless Sudoku guy was. Hodgman's still pretty bitter about it. I related and furthered my desire to be BFFs. Like us lowly fliers, he, too, reads Sky Mall against his better judgment because he forgets to bring reading material from time to time. Subject change. John Hodgman doesn't understand the hype concerning Twilight. Neither do I. I'm not knocking the book series-turned-movie phenomenon, but I still don't really get it. Hodgman shares this view and explained, "I'm not making fun of the teenage vampires. Why would I? I want to live." Touche, John. I'm sorry if I'm not doing this man justice in terms of interesting and captivating qualities. He is very interesting...and captivating. I assure you. I've just been out of the blogging mode, and I'm having trouble making this tangent flow. Had I written this last week it would have been funnier and made more sense. Now it lacks fluidity and original humor. Dammit. Hodgman spent much of his time reading from his newest book, More Information Than You Require, and he managed to turn over my giggle box quite a few times. I suggest all of you ask Santa for this book. I haven't read it yet, but I feel confident in urging you to buy it. That's how much I want to be BFFs with John Hodgman. The GTGs stopped by Barnes & Noble and allowed for Hodgman to show off his beatboxing skills. Not too shabby. I've included a video snippet below in an attempt to make up for you not laughing throughout this tangent. Please don't remove me from your favorite links list. I just fell off the wagon a little bit. I'm back on though. Pinky promise.

Peace. Love. I'm a PC (not really though).