tangent eight: Grimace.

Good day.

I hope you're doing well. I am in a bit of a funk right now because, on a scale of 1 to 10, my creativity currently ranks at about a -4. And I have a lot to do, so it's not a very cool predicament. Then again, what predicament is cool? Irrelevant alert: right now I'm watching TV and one of those Charmin commercials just came on (you know, the ones with the colorful cartoon bears) and I feel the need to express my sincere dislike for them. Whoever thought them up was clever about the campaign's underlying theme--"Does a bear shit in the woods?"--but I still think the ads are stupid. They also make me uncomfortable to the point of giving my neck a crick every time they air. Bears go number 2, yes...but they don't wipe. One of my assignments this week is to create a spread in my sketchbook about "purple". The thing about this particular class is that there are no rules. We're pretty much free to take the assignments as we interpret them and go from there; however, sometimes the parameterless environment makes my head spin, particularly when I'm in a lackluster state such as I am today. The first thing that came to mind, as I began brainstorming about purple ideas, was Grimace, the big purple thing who tagged along with Ronald McDonald and the rest of his crew. As a child, I always thought Grimace was an oversized Chicken McNugget. I never worked anything out past that. It never occurred to me that none of the other McNuggets were purple or had limbs. Perhaps I concluded that he was the McNugget King or something. I don't know. McDonald's started pushing its original characters out of the limelight just as I was learning how to eat solid food. I never got to experience McDonaldland at its finest. In lieu of homework, I've been researching Grimace. My research hasn't stretched beyond the Google search box, but I have discovered some new and interesting things about the big purple blob that you might not have known before now. I can't take credit for these facts and theories, so I'll gladly overuse the hyperlink button to avoid plagiarism. My Grimace quandary is highly unoriginal. "WTF is Grimace?" is a popular question floating throughout cyberspace, which I didn't realize until today. It seems to be a cohesive thought among adults that, as children, they were petrified of Grimace. I don't really get this. Ronald is far more frightening and I'd be more inclined to let my kids sit on Grimace's lap before Ronald's. Something's just not right about the clown. Too bad Grimace lacks a lap. Anyway, the Internet has taught me the following things about the ambiguous McDonald's character:

• Grimace is a moron. His favorite word is "duh", and he's known for his slow-witted demeanor. 
• Grimace used to be evil. Originally, he had four arms and liked to steal milkshakes.
  
• Barney pooped. Grimace appeared. 
• Grimace has a druncle. 
• According to various theories and opinions, Grimace is: a moldy McNugget, an oversized taste-bud, a moldy grape gumdrop, a large Hershey's kiss, a walking eggplant, a visual representation of an artery clog, a colon polyp, the way you feel after consuming a meal from McDonald's, a dinosaur, a purple hash brown, a giant hemorrhoid, a child molester, a potato, a butt plug, special sauce left out too long, and, my personal favorite, a Canadian. 
• Grimace can dance. And rap. Simultaneously. (Click on it. It's worth 42 seconds of your life.)

Although this tangent's research did cause me to chuckle a good bit, I still have no clue what Grimace is really supposed to be. And I'm still creatively stifled, maybe even more so than before. Fantastic. Thanks for nothing, McDonald's.

Peace. Love. The McRib should be outlawed.