tangent thirteen: bite me.

Guess who's back? 

After an extra long vacay I'm back and ready to roll. I know I promised to write a lot during my break; however, I opted not to and did other things instead. I slept, watched a lot of unnecessary television, went to my 5 year high school reunion (AKA "shit show 2k8"), and went on a cruise with my family (and brought in the new year with a smooch on the cheek from my mother). Jealous? I'm sure. My first quarter at The Circus went really well, and it's good to know that I'm heading in the right direction in terms of what I want to do with the rest of my life. At least for now. You could probably care less about that so I'll ease into my newest tangent before you start bitching. While I did waste a lot of my time watching mindless TV shows and galavanting around Atlanta will my fellow high school chums during the break, I also divvied up some of my time to a fictional male specimen known to some as Edward Cullen. I, however, prefer to refer to him as "perfection". Edward Cullen is one of the characters in the Twilight book series by Stephenie Meyer. Now, if you are an observant and nitpicky person then you are A) obnoxious but B) also probably remembering something I wrote in tangent ten. I merely stated that I didn't understand the hype concerning Twilight. I never made fun of those who did. I retract my statement because I understand the hype now. At about 2:30 on Christmas Eve day I was perusing through Target, trying to find last minute Christmas gifts (if you know me, you aren't the least bit surprised) and a shiny paperback book cover caught my eye. There it was. A simple, yet perfect depiction of the forbidden fruit resting in the pale palms of two delicate hands. It was as if Eve herself was offering me a bite...Christmas Eve. Oh, the irony! I tried to hold my ground and walk past the preteen book section in order to make it to the DVD wall faster but something else caught my eye, paralyzing me even longer. The price sticker. Once I saw that, I knew I had been defeated. I took the bait and bought the book. Metaphorically speaking, one might say I took a bite. Eve's good. Whether out of respect for Christmas and my family or trying to salvage whatever morsel of dignity I had left, I  put the book on my bed and left it there until the next day. Once I had thanked Santa for my grey Uggs and make-up, I trudged upstairs to watch A Christmas Story. (I like the 24 hour marathon...it never gets old to me.) Just as I was about to turn on the tele via remote, that faint glittery glimmer caught my eye again. Blast, there was no turning back now. Christmas dinner at Gamma's (my badass grandmother) always starts at 6 pm. It's tradition. I began reading Twilight at 2:45ish. Surely, I thought, I would have enough time to get ready. But Edward Cullen just kept luring me in, page by page, with his cold, chiseled body and his chameleon-like eyes, and I couldn't move from my spot on the bed. 4 o'clock rolls around and I'm still pajama-clad, sans a shower, and falling deeper in love with Edward. This was no school girl Devon Sawa crush. This was real. Besides, Devon is just a mere mortal. I contemplated getting up and doing a rain dance so Atlanta might become more like Forks. I even checked the locks on my windows to see if they were painted shut. They were, and I cursed them because Edward would not be able to come into my bedroom. 5:15. No shower. No movement apart from my fingers flipping the pages. Not even a bathroom break. This was serious. My mom yelled at me from downstairs to make sure I was on my way to getting ready, and she informed me that they were going to ride in a separate car. Not a good idea, Mom. Not a good idea at all. I was suddenly 12 years old again...not because I was ridiculously engrossed in a tween book series about vampires but because I was lying to my mother about my grooming progress. I had made none. Damn that 544-page temptress. I'm not sure what snapped me out of my Edward love daze, but I finally got up and bathed, making my brother and me over 30 minutes late to Christmas dinner. You might be thinking, "Melissa, isn't 30 minutes late like early for you?" Well, hardy har har, you jackass. That's pretty funny. Not. Christmas dinner was fine, except for the gaping and rapidly expanding hole in my heart, otherwise known as my incessant longing for more Edward. I couldn't wait to get back to Meyer's literary ingenuity. Some things prevented that from happening, and I was forced to put down the book for longer than I wanted to. It wasn't until the cruise that I was able to pick it back up again. I silently apologized to Edward for my betrayal and finished Twilight in a flash. I then began to read New Moon, the sequel to Twilight, and I sunk to a new low. After ringing in the new year with my mom's kiss, I left the lido deck party, went to my room, changed into pajamas, and...wait for it...wait for it...read. Welcome to 2009, Melissa. You kind of believe in vampires. You're kind of delusional. What a great start. I even went and saw Twilight the movie 3 hours after returning home from the cruise. It didn't do my imagination justice; however, Robert Pattinson can sink his teeth into my neck any day. I am currently on the 3rd book of the series, but luckily school has somewhat brought me back to reality...not by choice. I'm worried I'll never be able to date again because I've concluded that my type is vampire and seeing as that they don't exist (or do they?) I am doomed to live a life alone vying with 7th graders for nonexistent Edward's love. Of course, I am kidding...I think. I didn't want to reveal any of the books' plots and stories because I urge you to pick it up and begin the journey yourself. I get the hype now. You should too.

Peace. Love. Move over, Devon.