tangent fourteen: my Oscar nominees.

Evening.

I'm going to make this as short as possible so I can get back to watching Degrassi, my newest obsession and time-sucker. Seeing as that I only saw Slumdog Millionaire, I don't have too much to say about any of the other nominees. Slumdog was an amazing piece of cinematic awesomeness, so I'm glad it won 694 awards. Well-deserved, in my opinion. I did make a mental list of my favorite moments tonight, and I would like to share them with you. In addition to my favorites, I also made a separate mental list of my least favorite moments. If you don't mind, I'm going to share those with you, as well. If you do mind, then I hate you. No, no. I'm being facetious. Although I might hate you anyway, for other reasons. Probably not though because I don't really hate anyone. "Hate" is, like many teachers and wise sages over the years have told me, a very strong word. So while you might annoy me a lot, I can almost guarantee that I don't hate you. There's always an exception to the rule though. And I hate to admit it, but I use "hate" a lot more than I should. Like just now, for instance. I don't really hate to admit it. But to say, "I strongly dislike to admit it" sounds ridiculous. "Hate" may be strong, but it is, in fact, easier. Okay. Enough of that. Now, for the drum roll...brrrrrrrr. (That is not supposed to look like the sound of shivering.) Here are the nominees of my favorite and least favorite Oscar moments:

Moments That Made My Heart Flutter:

1. Danny Boyle jumping up and down like Tigger on purpose.
   
2. Zac Efron looking old enough for me to legally date instead of molest...finally.
   
3. Robert Pattinson acting like a vampire even though he wasn't supposed to.
   
4. Mickey Rourke's nomination.
   
5. Halle Berry's dress.
   
6. Kate Winslet's acceptance speech.
   
7. Heath Ledger's family's acceptance speech.
8. Memorial dedication video. (Gets me every single time.)
9. The big musical shindig. (With a cameo from Zac Efron.)
   
10. Ben Stiller's riveting portrayal of Joaquin Phoenix.
    

Moments That Made My Heart Sputter: 

1. Barbara's pre-Oscars buzz kill.
   
2. Zac Efron's trollop of a date.
   
3. Christopher Walken's creepiness multiplied due to his long hair.
   
4. Mickey Rourke's face.
   
5. Reese Witherspoon copying Queen Latifah's dress. Or vice versa. (Tsk, tsk, ladies.)
   
6. Jessica Biel sans her only redeeming quality, Timberlake.
   
7. Sophia Loren's aging progress.
   
8. Not being able to see the memorial dedication video. (I'm sorry, Academy. Not all of us have 900-inch flat-screens.)
   
9. Beyonce's sparkling red loin cloth.
   
10. Joaquin Phoenix's absence (from both the awards and the acting world).
    

I should mention that my short-term memory is somewhat of a faulty trait, and had I written my thoughts down while watching the Oscars, my wit would have been sharper and my writing much funnier. Oh well. I distracted you for a little while, right? Okay. Back to work, slacker. 

Peace. Love. Why was Miley invited?