tangent thirty-one: Justin Bieber remembers childhood.

Confession.

I like Justin Bieber. I'm not really sure why, although if you know me I guess you're not all that surprised.  It probably stems from my utmost desire to stay a tween forever. I purchased his EP a while ago and had forgotten about it until today when I discovered it in my car's CD player. I've been rocking the radio lately so I didn't realize it was in there. Whatever. That's not the point of this tangent. While I enjoy the high-pitched, soprano voice of Sir Bieber, I am troubled by one song in particular. In the song Bigger Justin belts out the lyrics:

"...I was a playa when I was little

But now I'm bigga, I'm bigga
A heart-breaker when I was little 

But now I'm bigga, I'm bigga
And all the haters I swear they look so small from up here
Cuz we're bigga, and love's bigga,
I'm bigga and you're bigga..." 

I won't subject those of you with decent music taste to the rest of the song. You can google it or click to hear it on YouTube. I don't really want to embed it in my blog. I may like the kid, but I do have some standards. Anyway. I'm not sure what Justin Bieber sees when he looks in the mirror, but last time I checked he was still the size of my kneecap. According to the lyrics above, Justin was a playa and a heart-breaker (but not a heart-breaka) when he was little. But now, clearly, he's bigga. Also, he promises that all the haters look small from where he's standing because he and love and even I are all bigga. I'm offended by the bold-faced lie he's telling to all of the fragile young girls out there. And the fragile not-so-young 25-year-old who dedicated an entire blog post to the young man. If, in fact, he is telling the truth then what I took away from the song was this: Justin Bieber matured at the ripe age of 12, where he ceased his pimping ways and instead of having his mom drive her minivan to multiple girls' houses on a Friday night, she now only drives him to one. Due to the recent maturation, Justin's haters are all smaller than him (meaning that his haters must include Verne Troyer, a leprechaun, and ants). And, yes, Justin is in love. All because he has deluded himself into believing he is "bigga". Ignorance must indeed be bliss. Cheers to adulthood, Justin.

Peace. Love. I'm a Belieber. 

tangent twenty: gorillas enjoy Phil Collins.

Ciao.

I started boot camp yesterday, and my body and I are currently in a big fight. No worries. A tangent will spawn from the experience...maybe a few tangents. Today, however, is Tuneage Tuesday. I may have stretched that term lately because the last two tangents written on Tuesdays weren't so much about music. Their titles were, which is how I got away with it. I'm in advertising. I'm quick like that. Funny I should mention advertising. Today's tangent is actually about an ad. It's an older ad, but the first time I saw it I almost peed my pants. I didn't. Don't get grossed out. Don't ask me about the ad's purpose. I have no clue. All I can say is that you will remember it once you've seen it. And you will automatically associate this odd video with the product it promotes. After watching this for the first time I let out a sigh of relief. It's good to know that once I get out of ad school I'll be allowed to make bizarre ads...even if along the way I have to sell toilet paper via cartoon bears. The following video makes my career purposeful. Please watch. Please laugh. Please come close to urinating.

Peace. Love. You're not supposed to get it.

tangent sixteen: green day.

O'Hey.

I am done with second quarter and feel the need to rant. I actually have an excuse because it's St. Patrick's Day. So now I'm going to talk about verde. Learn Spanish if you don't understand that. Specifically, I want to discuss what happens to many people who forget to wear green on March 17. Some people choose not to do so out of protest to conventional standards. A handful of those people sit together in corners wearing black and discussing why convention and conformity do not apply to them. I think they have somewhat of a good idea there, but their execution leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I'd prefer for them to whine far away from my ears. We aren't discussing my problem with the color black or a bunch of egocentric emo kids though. We're discussing green. Well, I'm discussing green. You're reading about it. Maybe. Back to those who don't wear green. It's your prerogative if you decide not to partake in drunken Irish festivities. You shouldn't feel obligated to wear a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" tight-fitting baby-T or an obnoxious blinking leprechaun button. You shouldn't even feel compelled to wear a smidgen of green if you don't want to. Let's be honest here for a second. St. Patrick's Day is really just spring break compressed into 24 hours. And if that's not your thing, then so be it. I personally enjoy the quasi-holiday. I do not, however, enjoy the pinchers. If you still pinch people for not wearing green then you just volunteered your way onto my "I'd like to punch you in the face" list. Don't be an asshole. Pinching serves no purpose other than legitimate proof that someone (the pincher) sucks. And not the mean kind of sucks, the irritating kind of sucks...which is way worse. I don't care if you think it's funny to parade around the office and pinch your co-workers who forgot their tiny Paddy flair. The only reason they even wear it is to avoid people like you. You aren't 7 anymore. Let the non-greeners go through March 17 in peace. In my opinion, pinching lies on the same plane with Carrot Top. Annoying and useless. So join me in my attempt to stop the pinchers from spreading their venomous fingers. Should you choose to be witty after reading this and decide to squeeze a portion of my skin in between your thumb and pointer finger then I can almost guarantee you'll be moved to the top of the previously-mentioned list. I hope those of you who dig today have green beers in hand and are about to sway back and forth to "Piano Man" at an overcrowded Irish pub. I'll see you in a few.

Peace. Love. Ginger fever.

tangent four: musical fate.

Ciao. 

From now on, Tuesday's posts will be referred to as "Tuneage Tuesdays". Not by their titles because that would be lame and repetitive. I just mean that their subject matters will have something to do with music. I realize I'm probably not nearly established enough to have a "regular" weekly section, but I also don't think it's very fair of you to make that assessment about me. Who are you anyway? Some office worker, bored out of your mind, blocked from facebook and MySpace, looking for anything to feed your addiction to avoiding actual work? I'm sorry. That wasn't very nice of me. I shouldn't assume anything about you, especially since I want you to keep coming back. Truce? Good. See? I warned you about the word vomit issue. Can bloggers even be established? Before you answer, I'm going to go ahead and put it out there that Perez Hilton doesn't count as an established blogger. He's a celebrity now, whether he wants to admit it or not. I still thoroughly enjoy him and his website, and I will be willing to acknowledge that at one time he held a position solely as an established blogger; however, that time has passed and his fame status has significantly risen as of late. On a completely unrelated side note, I hate the words "blogger" and "blogging" (I've gotten used to their root, "blog", but it took a while). There aren't any substitutes for the two derivatives, so I don't really have a choice but to use them when I have to. I don't like them though. They make me feel like such a geek. Getting back on track...let's go ahead and dive into today's tangent, which is, as stated previously and obviously in the title, musical fate. Sometimes it's referred to as "shuffle fate", "iTunes fate" or "radio fate", but make no mistake, they are synonymous. Musical fate is a game that I play with my friends, usually in the car on some sort of road trip. Sometimes I play by myself, but it's a lot more fun with at least one other person. In terms of legitimacy, musical fate falls under the same category as the Magic 8 Ball, paper fortune tellers, and M.A.S.H. (the game, not the show). If you actually base your future on any of the previously mentioned three then stop reading now. This might be a little too intense for you. The directions of the game are simple: 

• Decide that you will be playing musical fate (because otherwise you're just listening to random songs without any underlying purpose, which is okay, just not for this game). 
• Put your iPod or iTunes on shuffle mode. 
• Press play. 

If you don't have an iPod or iTunes, an FM radio will be perfectly sufficient. If there is more than one person playing, make sure you specify whose fate the particular shuffle will pertain to. Sometimes my friends and I forget, and I end up with songs that were meant for Adrea (not just Adrea, she was just used as an example because I know she'll enjoy her name ending up in here). Occasionally we like to mix it up and ask for specific things like our career fates, love fates, or success fates; however, for those of you just starting out, it's probably best to stick to the original. So here's the object. The first 5 (or 3 or 10 or whatever limit you choose) songs you hear are your fate for that particular day (or week or minute...again, up to you). I like the number 5 because it gives me a good array of music to work with. However you choose to interpret these songs is up to you. If you're playing on the radio, you have to be sure to switch radio stations the minute the current song ends. If not, your fate lies in the DJ's hands and not so much in the music's (because, again, this is all completely serious and true). Some people disagree with me about this and conclude that it's okay to stick to one radio station the entire time. I think that's a little unfair, but I'm willing to cut you some slack should you choose to go the other route. There are, however, some non-negotiable rules you must adhere to while playing this game:

• You cannot switch songs just because one really sucks or you aren't happy with how it fits in with your life (the whole "life's not always fair" cliche works well with this rule).
• You don't have to listen to the entire song; however, you must at least make it through the first chorus...you never know what wisdom lies within those lyrics.
• When playing with iTunes or an iPod, make sure you play this game with all of your music. It's against the rules to choose your favorite playlist and go from there. Of course you're going to be okay with those songs. You picked them beforehand and in the context of this game, that's a little like trying to play God. 
• When playing with the radio, start with one station and wait for the first song to come on. If you catch a station during mid-play of a song, it's permissible to wait until the next song to start playing your game; however, if you're feeling ballsy then go ahead and count the snippet as your first song. 
• When playing on iTunes, double check that you've pressed the shuffle button before embarking on the game because I can't tell you how many times my fate for the day has started with Ah-Ha's "Take On Me". 

If you're brand new to this and still a little confused, I'll share with you my musical fate for today. I was smart enough to triple check my shuffle button and didn't begin my day's future with the classic 80s hit. Here you go:

1. The Rolling Stones - "It's All Over Now"
2. Madonna - "Spanish Eyes"
3. Donavon Frankenreiter - "On My Mind"
4. Hank Williams Jr. - "Dixie On My Mind"
5. Green Day - "No Pride"

I included the links to the lyrics of these songs. I am positive you won't read them, but I like the hyperlink button and use it whenever I can. You also don't really need to know how those songs pertained to me today because that would take up more of your time and this tangent's aim is to get you involved in the game, not my own personal musical fate. I do hope you play and have fun with yours. Once you feel comfortable with the original, mix it up and see what shuffle has to say about your love life or career path. Now I must bid you adieu and finish some homework for my Art Direction class tomorrow. Wait, one last thing...if you have any ideas about how to creatively promote Alzheimer's awareness then please let me know. I'm stumped. Okay, I'm out. 

Peace. Love. Play.