tangent thirty-four: I'm live.

melissalangstonwood.com

So I'm a copywriter. With a website. Now let's just get a dank job. 

Peace. Love. Go advertising. 

tangent thirty-two: Macs get ass.

Hola. 

I hope everyone is having a great day. I was having an awesome day until I saw the commercial above. I don't like PCs. Now, as a Mac owner, I'm sure it sounds trivial and petty. It's not. Recently, I watched a newer PC commercial (the one seen above) and my convictions about PCs were strengthened. I hope you don't mind, but I have chosen to list the reasons why Macs get college guys laid and PCs don't: 

1. It is obvious this kid's roommate owns a Mac. It's the only proper way to play iTunes while "privately tutoring" freshmen girls. 
2. According to Jason, TV time is a lot more valuable than sex. According to the rest of us, Jason will die a virgin.
3. Jason's not wearing shoes. I wonder if he left for class like that, noticed he wasn't wearing shoes, and returned to his dorm room only to find a sock on the door (which is still the universal code for doing it). I'm glad some things never change. 
4. Judging by the sock size, no wonder the roommate hooks up a lot.
5. Look at Jason's socks. 
6. In his dreams, Jason is an attractive white male with piercing eyes who is surrounded by women. But he's still in the hallway. Not in his room getting laid. Sounds like someone needs to be incepted. 
7. I bet Jason has a sweatpants boner. I guess that's one thing his PC is good for. 
8. DVR isn't that innovative. Everyone has DVR. Try inventing time travel, Jason. That's the kind of thing that will make seven ladies join you in a hallway to watch TV on your computer.
9. His roommate totally schools him in front of the camera. He's also probably wondering who Jason keeps talking to about his stupid computer. 
10. Jason admits to his perversion and stays to listen to his roommate have sex. All night. 
11. The roommate's girl totally schools him again. And she sounds really annoyed. Come to think of it, it's probably a different chick. Maybe even his third or fourth chick of the day. 

Peace. Love. I'm a Mac and this tangent was my idea. 


(Side note: This list honestly has nothing to do with the commercial itself. It's just a mere vessel for me to convey my feelings. Anything PC-related brings me back to those days in college when I used to fight with my Dell day in and day out about everything. So, to whoever created this commercial, bravo. I just can't bring myself to buy a PC ever again.)

tangent twenty-nine: update on tangent twenty-eight.

Click to enlarge. 

Well, it's confirmed. 

Peace. Love. More feet babies.

(A special thanks to Hilary Murphy for sending me this.)

tangent twenty-eight: put some sperm in your step.

Happy Sunday. 

It hasn't been too long since we last met. I actually just got back from NYC last night, and the only reason I told you that is so I could say that I was in NYC. Because it's cool to say that I've been in NYC. Probably because you haven't. Unless you're one of my followers who inhabits the Circus with me. In that case, you're cool too. Maybe. There are a few of you who could use some work. Yesterday, as the plane was taking off (leaving NYC, of course) I turned off my uber awesome iPad (because you can't have electronic devices on planes during takeoff, even in NYC) I started reading the SkyMall magazine. I must say that there are some pretty cool gadgets in that thing. Almost as cool as spending time in NYC last week. There are also some pretty lame gadgets and gifts in the mag, like those hanging tomato gardens. Then I came across the sneakers seen in the picture above. Notice anything weird about them? Other than the obviously atrocious art direction, there are sperm embroidered on the side of them. Yes, sperm. These shoes also guarantee to make you feel like you're defying gravity, which makes sense because sex is supposed to make you feel like that too. That's how they portray it in movies, anyway. I hope you can see the whole ad. It's a little absurd. Okay, I'm out. I have to regroup because I was in NYC last week and I am so tired from all of the coolness going on there. Truth be told, I don't think I'm cool enough to be there. I forgot the right shoes, and I'm pretty sure I have a stress fracture from wearing flip-flops all week. Too bad I wasn't wearing the sperm shoes. I could've had a floorgasm. Or something like that. 

Peace. Love. Feet babies.

tangent twenty: gorillas enjoy Phil Collins.

Ciao.

I started boot camp yesterday, and my body and I are currently in a big fight. No worries. A tangent will spawn from the experience...maybe a few tangents. Today, however, is Tuneage Tuesday. I may have stretched that term lately because the last two tangents written on Tuesdays weren't so much about music. Their titles were, which is how I got away with it. I'm in advertising. I'm quick like that. Funny I should mention advertising. Today's tangent is actually about an ad. It's an older ad, but the first time I saw it I almost peed my pants. I didn't. Don't get grossed out. Don't ask me about the ad's purpose. I have no clue. All I can say is that you will remember it once you've seen it. And you will automatically associate this odd video with the product it promotes. After watching this for the first time I let out a sigh of relief. It's good to know that once I get out of ad school I'll be allowed to make bizarre ads...even if along the way I have to sell toilet paper via cartoon bears. The following video makes my career purposeful. Please watch. Please laugh. Please come close to urinating.

Peace. Love. You're not supposed to get it.

tangent one: welcome to my second blog.

Hello.

I have chosen to start blogging again. My inspiration to do so arose from reading Chadrea and The Rices...and also because of something Dan Balser told all of us Creative Circus "first quarters" at orientation about a month ago. To clarify, being a first quarter at The Creative Circus is the equivalent to being a high school freshman. And no, I do not get to tame lions or play on a trapeze at school, but you're really original and funny for thinking so. Anyway, Balser encouraged us to have some sort of creative "tangent" outside of school (hence the oh-so-clever name of this blog...I know, I know, my wit astounds me too). I figured I'd give blogging another try because even though I didn't post a lot this summer, I really enjoyed it when I did. This blog, however, will differ from The Au Pair Diaries. Aside from the obvious fact that I'm not in Italy anymore, I will not be posting exclusively about my day-to-day life because let's face it, I'm not that interesting right now. I'm also not married, which is one of the aspects I like most about Chadrea and The Rices. So that topic's out too. I have a dog, but she smells like feet and doesn't do cute things anymore so I suppose that subject has been vetoed from the list as of now. Okay, so what exactly will I be imparting my infinite wisdom about? Well, I've decided to go along with the whole "tangent" theme and write about some new random thing every day...okay, maybe not every day but at least with every new post. This probably isn't the most unique idea, and I bet you'll be a little apprehensive to visit this blog tomorrow because you're probably thinking, "Yeah, that doesn't sound funny. I don't really get it." I see where you're coming from. I'm not promising success out of this, I'm just giving it a try. If it does turn out to be lame and un-funny, then I'll shut it down and admit defeat. I would like your input about the subjects you'd like to read about. And please feel free to put anything on the table. For example, if you'd like to read my thoughts on Ian Ziering (Steve from old-school 90210 for all of you pop-culture-deficient morons out there) then shoot me a comment and I'll see what I can do. I just want to keep you entertained and satisfied. (Raise your hand if "That's what she said" just ran through your head.) By the way, my thoughts about Ian Ziering are as follows: I always had a big crush on Dylan, but Steve is who I would have ended up dating. Dylan was way out of my league...still is way out of my league. Steve probably is too, but if we're playing the dating game within the parameters of West Beverly High then I conclude that Steve and I would have had a promising future of 3 weeks of dating before he dumped me due to his never-ending love for Kelly Taylor. That bitch. Okay, before I get heated about this impossible hypothetical I'm going to stop. I have to go get ready for a middle school themed party. I haven't picked out my outfit yet; however, I'm debating between my Marist uniform, an Abercrombie-clad outfit accompanied by either Timberlands (the hiking boot kind) or Birkenstock clogs, or Express black pants, a three-quarter length bright pink Michael Stars shirt, and Steve Madden chunky loafers. It shouldn't take me too long to get ready once I choose my outfit. Straighteners and properly-applied make-up weren't big issues back then. Man, I was so hot. I'm hoping to have plenty of pictures. I'm also hoping a cute boy doused in Tommy cologne asks me to dance...especially if Keith Sweat comes on. I'm getting nervous already. Okay, until next time...

Peace. Love. Peach Pit.