tangent thirty-two: Macs get ass.

Hola. 

I hope everyone is having a great day. I was having an awesome day until I saw the commercial above. I don't like PCs. Now, as a Mac owner, I'm sure it sounds trivial and petty. It's not. Recently, I watched a newer PC commercial (the one seen above) and my convictions about PCs were strengthened. I hope you don't mind, but I have chosen to list the reasons why Macs get college guys laid and PCs don't: 

1. It is obvious this kid's roommate owns a Mac. It's the only proper way to play iTunes while "privately tutoring" freshmen girls. 
2. According to Jason, TV time is a lot more valuable than sex. According to the rest of us, Jason will die a virgin.
3. Jason's not wearing shoes. I wonder if he left for class like that, noticed he wasn't wearing shoes, and returned to his dorm room only to find a sock on the door (which is still the universal code for doing it). I'm glad some things never change. 
4. Judging by the sock size, no wonder the roommate hooks up a lot.
5. Look at Jason's socks. 
6. In his dreams, Jason is an attractive white male with piercing eyes who is surrounded by women. But he's still in the hallway. Not in his room getting laid. Sounds like someone needs to be incepted. 
7. I bet Jason has a sweatpants boner. I guess that's one thing his PC is good for. 
8. DVR isn't that innovative. Everyone has DVR. Try inventing time travel, Jason. That's the kind of thing that will make seven ladies join you in a hallway to watch TV on your computer.
9. His roommate totally schools him in front of the camera. He's also probably wondering who Jason keeps talking to about his stupid computer. 
10. Jason admits to his perversion and stays to listen to his roommate have sex. All night. 
11. The roommate's girl totally schools him again. And she sounds really annoyed. Come to think of it, it's probably a different chick. Maybe even his third or fourth chick of the day. 

Peace. Love. I'm a Mac and this tangent was my idea. 


(Side note: This list honestly has nothing to do with the commercial itself. It's just a mere vessel for me to convey my feelings. Anything PC-related brings me back to those days in college when I used to fight with my Dell day in and day out about everything. So, to whoever created this commercial, bravo. I just can't bring myself to buy a PC ever again.)

tangent twenty-two: these are a few of my least favorite things.

Hey kiddos.

How is everyone doing today? I am in a good mood except for the fact that it's Sunday and I haven't done nearly enough work. That's usually how Sundays go. I freak out because I haven't done enough work, which is really just another form of procrastination. And tomorrow I will be freaking out even more because of my freak out today. It's just how it is. I've forgotten what a weekend is. Since I only have classes on Mondays and Tuesdays my weekend consists of getting sleep on Tuesday night and then freaking out Wednesday about how much work I have left to do. To clarify, the freaking out happens in my head. I do not rip off all my clothes, run around the city, and scream absurd religious convictions to no one in particular. Enough of that. I can tell you're already bored. It is finally sunny in Atlanta and that makes me happy; however, lately it has been grey, soggy, and rainy. But it's been bad rain. Spitty rain. Spitty rain is precipitation consisting of quasi-droplets that feel more like God's cold spit on your face and less like a well needed earth hydration. So until today I have been playing the role of Eeyore: gloomy, grey, and sans my tail (which is true because I'm a human and was born without a tail. I think). It's kind of weird that today is sunny because it would be more fitting for today's tangent to be written on a spitty rain day. It's just weird. It's not ironic, which brings us to today's tangent. My least favorite things. In no particular order.

1. Misusing the word, "ironic". I blame Alanis. She had no business writing a song about coincidences and referring to them as irony.
2. Juicy Couture velour tracksuits. Victoria's Secret Pink line also applies.
3. This season's Real World cast (Real World: DC). MTV, could you have found six strangers any lamer? Bring back Hawaii.
4. Bathroom stall doors that open inward.
5. Music snobs. Go ahead and put hipsters here too.
6. Fern spores. Lots of small things in groups make me extremely uneasy.
7. Cats.
8. Houses that smell like dog. And the people who own these houses and have become immune to the stench.
9. Bad singers on American Idol who get record deals.
10. The Progressive lady.
11. Phantom farters. Also known as Fly-bys.
12. People who tag themselves in facebook pictures.
13. Adults using the word "tummy" when a child is not present.
14. Fat Luke Wilson trying to sell me AT&T.
15. Putting liquids in quart-sized bags before boarding an airplane. What the hell does this prevent?
16. Girls who talk like babies when they're on the phone with their boyfriends.
17. When people act like they're the most surprised they've ever been when I tell them I haven't seen [insert greatest movie ever made that I have yet to watch here]. Or when they ask, "You haven't seen [insert greatest movie ever made that I have yet to watch here]?" No, jackass. Why would I lie about that?
18. Goatees.
19. Oxygen bars. Tap air is fine by me.
20. Broken escalators.
21. Idiots who ask fat women when they're due.
22. Larry the Cable Guy. Not laughing.
23. Snakes.
24. Cynical people who make lists about things they hate. I don't count.

Generally, I dig life. Generally.

Peace. Love. It's usually never ironic.

tangent seventeen: cop-out.

Happy Monday. 

I had every intention of coming up with a new and fantastic tangent today, but instead I didn't. A little while ago I was invited to go to the Hawks game, so I'm going to steal one of those lame lists from facebook, copy it onto here, and call it a day. Unoriginal? Perhaps. But I'm not about to pass up a fun night to stay home and blog. I'd like to keep a few cool points in the bank. Anyway, the list you see below is one of those "25 Things About Me" copy-and-paste notes that take up too much time to fill out and aren't all that interesting to anyone else other than the vain person filling out said list. Regardless, here is mine. It was originally posted on facebook in February. Enjoy delving into my narcissism. And if you've already seen it, well...sucks for you.

Confirmation That I Need a Life:

1. I'd gladly let a hippo eat me just for a chance to hug one.
   
2. At the first sign of a tornado (warning, watch, severe thunderstorm possibly producing a funnel cloud) I'm in the basement or a bathtub. Greatest fear.
   
3. I watch Spongebob, Fairly Odd Parents, and Jimmy Neutron on Nickelodeon. And laugh hard.
   
4. My real last name is Langston-Wood.
   
5. While I respect her courageous fashion choices, I think Carrie Bradshaw is one of the most selfish fictional characters ever to grace my television set...Meredith Grey probably beats her, but I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy a long time ago and do not feel the need to analyze its female leading role.
   
6. To go along with number 5, I thought the Sex & the City movie blew.
   
7. Backstreet Boys. Yes, still.
   
8. I want to live in the Greek isles someday.
   
9. Most Friday nights I'd rather hang out with my brother at home than go to the bars.
   
10. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received came from Maggie Kelly (my friend Natalie's mom): Don't buy expensive shoes until you get out of college. Bar funk is not partial to brands.
    
11. Diet Dr Pepper and cheese dip are necessities in my life.
    
12. I'm really good about not calling people back.
    
13. I'm scared that when I have kids it will be socially acceptable to propose to someone via text message.
    
14. I love text messaging.
    
15. I really like 6 Flags, but I hate that my hands smell like wet pennies after spending a day there.
    
16. I think energy drinks are disgusting.
    
17. My dog smells like she's wet even when she's dry. We keep her outside.
    
18. Coffee. Gross. Cigarettes. Grosser.
    
19. I fly all the time, but every time the plane takes off I still worry it's going to crash.
    
20. Not everybody loves Raymond.
    
21. A spoonful of peanut butter is guaranteed to make my day better.
    
22. I'm addicted to classic ChapStick.
    
23. In the winter you'll find me in Uggs. In the summer, Haviana flip-flops.
    
24. I don't miss college.
    
25. Right now I'm in class, and I haven't been paying attention. I'm going to have to teach it to myself. Awesome.
    

You probably figured this out, but #25 is not applicable anymore. I'm sure you caught that though because you're a genius. At any rate, I'm off. Go Hawks.

Peace. Love. Space Jam.

tangent fourteen: my Oscar nominees.

Evening.

I'm going to make this as short as possible so I can get back to watching Degrassi, my newest obsession and time-sucker. Seeing as that I only saw Slumdog Millionaire, I don't have too much to say about any of the other nominees. Slumdog was an amazing piece of cinematic awesomeness, so I'm glad it won 694 awards. Well-deserved, in my opinion. I did make a mental list of my favorite moments tonight, and I would like to share them with you. In addition to my favorites, I also made a separate mental list of my least favorite moments. If you don't mind, I'm going to share those with you, as well. If you do mind, then I hate you. No, no. I'm being facetious. Although I might hate you anyway, for other reasons. Probably not though because I don't really hate anyone. "Hate" is, like many teachers and wise sages over the years have told me, a very strong word. So while you might annoy me a lot, I can almost guarantee that I don't hate you. There's always an exception to the rule though. And I hate to admit it, but I use "hate" a lot more than I should. Like just now, for instance. I don't really hate to admit it. But to say, "I strongly dislike to admit it" sounds ridiculous. "Hate" may be strong, but it is, in fact, easier. Okay. Enough of that. Now, for the drum roll...brrrrrrrr. (That is not supposed to look like the sound of shivering.) Here are the nominees of my favorite and least favorite Oscar moments:

Moments That Made My Heart Flutter:

1. Danny Boyle jumping up and down like Tigger on purpose.
   
2. Zac Efron looking old enough for me to legally date instead of molest...finally.
   
3. Robert Pattinson acting like a vampire even though he wasn't supposed to.
   
4. Mickey Rourke's nomination.
   
5. Halle Berry's dress.
   
6. Kate Winslet's acceptance speech.
   
7. Heath Ledger's family's acceptance speech.
8. Memorial dedication video. (Gets me every single time.)
9. The big musical shindig. (With a cameo from Zac Efron.)
   
10. Ben Stiller's riveting portrayal of Joaquin Phoenix.
    

Moments That Made My Heart Sputter: 

1. Barbara's pre-Oscars buzz kill.
   
2. Zac Efron's trollop of a date.
   
3. Christopher Walken's creepiness multiplied due to his long hair.
   
4. Mickey Rourke's face.
   
5. Reese Witherspoon copying Queen Latifah's dress. Or vice versa. (Tsk, tsk, ladies.)
   
6. Jessica Biel sans her only redeeming quality, Timberlake.
   
7. Sophia Loren's aging progress.
   
8. Not being able to see the memorial dedication video. (I'm sorry, Academy. Not all of us have 900-inch flat-screens.)
   
9. Beyonce's sparkling red loin cloth.
   
10. Joaquin Phoenix's absence (from both the awards and the acting world).
    

I should mention that my short-term memory is somewhat of a faulty trait, and had I written my thoughts down while watching the Oscars, my wit would have been sharper and my writing much funnier. Oh well. I distracted you for a little while, right? Okay. Back to work, slacker. 

Peace. Love. Why was Miley invited?

tangent eleven: where are they now? (the TGIF edition.)

Greetings and salutations.

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but over the next couple of weeks my tangents are going to be few and far between. It's crunch time at The Circus, which means lack of sleep, lack of a social life, and lack of any extracurricular activity not pertaining to school. Sorry. There's not much I can do about it. I'll be sure to make up for it over my break, once this quarter is over. Okay, enough business. Let's begin today's tangent. TGIF was one of the best things that ever happened to my childhood. I'm sure many of you share this sentiment and can remember a time when a great Friday night didn't involve getting gussied up and bar hopping. Inviting a friend to spend the night, setting up a pallet in the basement, ordering pizza, and flipping to ABC were the only necessary components to make Friday night a sure-fire success back in the day. Ah, nostalgia. I recently watched Stephanie Tanner on Chelsea Lately, and I must say that the once obnoxious lispy smart aleck is actually pretty cool now. She has a real name (Jodie Sweetin), but I like referring to her as Stephanie. I want to personally thank her for inspiring me to write today's tangent. Thanks, Steph. After reading about her addiction to crystal meth a while back, I figured she had spiraled down into has-been oblivion, never to return again. Her interview with Chelsea rerouted my opinion and proved me wrong. She's doing well, she's remarried, and she has a fat daughter named Zoe. Pin a rose on her nose because I'm proud. Watching her led me to wonder what the other TGIF alumni are up to these days. I don't care about every single actor or actress who graced ABC's Friday night lineup during my TGIF era because some of them have stood the test of time and are still somewhat in the limelight. Some, however, did not rise to the fame occasion after their shows got canned. I haven't heard about these people in a while. These are the people I am concerned about. These are the people I researched. And this is what I discovered:

Scott Weinger: 

(Steve Hale--Full House)

While his Full House character appeared to be a bit of a dunce at times, in reality, Scott is quite the smarty pants. In 1998 he graduated magna cum laude from Harvard. Who knew? I always found Steve so endearing because of how stupid he acted. I was very upset when he and DJ chose to go their separate ways. I was pleased about his reappearance on the Full House series finale, probably more so than I was about Michelle finding her memory. Aesthetically, Scott's suffering a bit, but I have complete faith that his old All-American look can be restored with a little Rogaine, some Botox, Mystic Tan, and, most importantly, a letter jacket. 

Bryton McClure: 

(Richie Crawford--Family Matters)

It was uncanny how much Richie Crawford looked like Little Richard. I felt bad for the kid because due to the striking resemblance and similar nomenclature, he was forced to sport a Jheri curl-inspired mullet for 6 years. Clever casting directors. On the other hand, now he's looking pretty slick with his short hair and chin flair. He's also strayed away from primitive sitcom acting and channeled his diverse talents toward his role as Devon Hamilton on The Young & The Restless. Now that I know this, I will make sure to make that show an integral part of my week. I'll keep you updated.

Andrea Barber: 

(Kimmy Gibbler--Full House)

Next to Screech, Kimmy Gibbler was quite possibly the most annoying sidekick ever written into a show. I became so excited whenever she and DJ got in one of their rare fights and vowed never to talk to each other again. Too bad DJ was a nice person and had Danny "the moral police" Tanner for a father. They remained BFF for the duration of the series. I was always on Uncle Jesse's side about Gibbler. I was also on his side because I wanted to bear his children. Still do. As far as what Andrea's up to now...she lives in the UK with her hubby and two kids. Her children's names are Tate James and Felicity Ruth. You might be wondering what I think about her daughter's name. I'm going to be nice and plead the fifth.

Trina McGee: 

(Angela Moore--Boy Meets World)

Angela was such a badass. She embodied boho chic and dated Shawn Hunter, who was also a badass. I loved him up until he decided to sport a goatee in a "glimpse into the future" episode. (Not your best  look, Shawn.) Anyway, Angela was a badass then and by the looks of it, now she's a freaking smokeshow. Other than looking dynamite, she's also married with 3 kids. From hippie to hottie in a such a short time. You go, girl.

Sasha Mitchell: 

(Cody Lambert--Step By Step)

I was in love with Cody (let's be honest, who wasn't I in love with back in the day?) Yes, he was an idiot. Yes, he had a weird incestual thing for his cousin. Yes, his vocabulary was very limited. But still, something about him was very sweet and likable. Sasha Mitchell played the part well; however, from the picture on the right, it appears that Sasha has taken up bartending in the Caribbean. I was disappointed to find out that my conclusion was false. I googled Sasha and while I wasn't able to pinpoint exactly what he's doing today (the general consensus is that he's in Hollywood with his 4 kids and fixes computers for a living), I did discover other nuggets of truth about the former Code-Man that might tickle your fancy. His nickname is Sash. (Question...is it pronounced "sash" or "sosh"?) He likes spicy Chinese food with BIG red peppers (whatever that means). He has a giant tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder (fierce). Maybe not as cool as his unintelligent character. But at least he's got something going for him in real life. 

Shawn Harrison: 

(Waldo Geraldo Faldo--Family Matters)

Speaking of morons. Remember Waldo? His stupidity was on another level, much lower than the average human being. In reality, I believe he would've qualified for the "special" category but the writers overlooked this detail and wrote lines for Shawn Harrison that oozed denseness. Waldo was a nice guy, and I was really happy when he and Maxine, Laura's BFF, began their love affair. I don't understand why the writers thought it was funny to have both his middle and last names rhyme with his first. It wasn't. Shawn is still acting. His most recent work was on a cartoon called Legion of Superheroes. Shawn provided the voice of Timber Wolf. I wasn't able to find anything else on him, but I'm glad he got rid of the flat-top and grew out a mini 'Fro. It suits him a lot better. On a random ending note, I've always wondered how much it hurt Shawn when that basketball slammed into his head during the Family Matters opening credits. It didn't look very fun.

Blake & Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit: 

(Nicky & Alex Katsopolis--Full House)

Too bad Dylan and Cole Sprouse have already covered the cute blonde twin category. The Tuomy-Wilhoit twins don't really have too much of a chance to surpass them. It's hard to pronounce their hyphenated last name, and they're not nearly as cute as the Sprouse brothers. I wonder if they were mad at the Olsen twins for sharing DualStar with the Sprouse twins and not them. Despite their poor acting skills (which hinted the boys had been trained by the Olsen twins), they managed to coax "Awws" out of Full House viewers when they played Uncle Jesse's sons. I'm sure much of that had to do with the fact that Uncle Jesse as a father was extremely attractive. After Full House, the twins chose to return to normalcy as quickly as possible. In 2004 they started High School, which means they graduated in May. I'm crossing my fingers for a Full House Christmas special. I also wonder where the Tuomy-Wilhoit twins attend college, if they do. Good luck with everything, boys. If I were you, I'd nix the hairstyles and bring back the bowl cuts. 

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen: 

(Michelle Tanner--Full House)

J/K.

Jason Marsden: 

(Rich Halke--Step By Step, Jason Marsden--Boy Meets World, Nelson Burkhard--Full House)

I take my comment back about Kimmy Gibbler's obnoxious sidekick status. Any character Jason Marsden played tops anything Gibbler said or did. Talk about typecasting. He was probably most annoying in Step By Step, as JT's BFF. He eventually won over Dana's heart. She was a little weird herself, so I guess they were a good match. On Boy Meets World his character was named "Jason Marsden". Wow, someone in the show's creative department really got lazy. He was essentially the same character in both shows--the sidekick of an idiot. Full House was the only show Jason was able to break out of the box just a little bit. He played Nelson, but Nelson, although extremely wealthy and intelligent, never had a chance to end up with DJ. She just wasn't the superficial type and couldn't be won over with lavish gifts and a live, personalized performance from Frankie Valli. Plus, Nelson tried to go up against Viper. Viper was hotter and badder and made me giddy. To the best of my recollection, DJ chose neither suitor in the end thus opening up the opportunity for Steve's return. Those clever writers. Today Jason's voice is used for various cartoon characters. He's married to a script supervisor named Christy and he's best friends with Will Friedle (Eric from Boy Meets World). His favorite activities include drawing, ice-skating, blading, and swimming. He also collects Disney videos and even named his pets after the characters, Aladdin, Jasmine, and Lady. It's a shame he's taken. He seems like quite a catch.

The Dinosaurs: 

( The Sinclairs--Dinosaurs)

I miss this show. Back in the day I thought they were the Family Matters family dressed up as dinosaurs...and without Steve. I loved this show, and I recently found out that seasons 1 & 2 are out on DVD. It's very tempting. I'm not sure what the dinosaurs are up to these days; however, I do have some theories. Earl Sinclair (Daddy dinosaur) was chased down by Dan Conner for copying his flannel shirt. He was then put in solitary confinement for the plagiarism, forced to watch season 1 of Rosanne on repeat. He remains there today. Fran Sinclair divorced Earl soon after his imprisonment and married Alf for money. They reside in Melmac with their 2 adopted children. Robbie and Charlene Sinclair returned back to the prehistoric era and reunited with their childhood friends. Robbie is married, and Charlene is working on her PhD. They each send a Christmas card each year and seem to be doing well. Ethyl Phillips, the grandmother, is now a fossil and can be seen in the Museum of Natural History. Baby Sinclair, perhaps the most abrasive of the bunch, was actually Elmo in a dinosaur costume. Elmo continues to work successfully on Sesame Street. 

Another fun fact about TGIF: it stood for "Thank God It's Funny" not "Thank God It's Friday". I say ABC brings it back. Okay, I must digress. I hope everyone has a wonderful day. I am about to go work on my sketchbook and watch a free movie OnDemand. 

Peace. Love. Adios Tanneritos. 

tangent seven: MW + DS = ♥.

Hi.

Yesterday I had this great idea to write a tangent about John Parker Wilson (Alabama's smokeshow of a quarterback) and somehow tie in my obsession with Hodge Wooten, my favorite Alabama alum, but I just couldn't get it together in time. I'm not an Alabama fan. I just enjoy both JPW and Hodge...probably Hodge more than JPW. Hodge is worth writing about, and I'm sure you will hear more about him at some point in time. He's not a celebrity or a nationally recognized athlete. He's a very good friend of mine, and I've been obsessed with the kid for 10 years now. He knows it. It's no secret that I adore him. I gave up being covert about my decade-long crush about 9 1/2 years ago. So if you know him and plan on sending this to him to be like, "Dude, this chick has a major thing for you," you're wasting a lot of precious time. I'll probably call him after this to inform him of the post. To be honest, he should've ended up in the collage over a few things. (Hi sweet Hodge.) Okay, transitioning into today's tangent. Devon Sawa. I'm sure you remember him, especially if you're a girl in your early 20s. He had a front-running position as a tween heartthrob for a good 2 or 3 years back in the mid-'90s. I first fell for Devon after watching Little Giants. My love for him then began to grow pretty steadily once Casper hit theaters. Oh how I yearned for him to whisper, "Can I keep you?" into my ear while dancing in mid-air, two feet above the ground. Christina Ricci was one lucky gal. My infatuation was in full bloom after watching and re-watching Now & Then. Devon's perfect portrayal of Scott Wormer, the sarcastic smart-ass and love interest of (go figure) Christina Ricci's character, Roberta Martin, pushed me into a crush level that I hadn't yet experienced in all my 11 years of existence. It was, in a word, intense. Since my return from Italy, I've been gradually cleaning out my room, trying to get rid of a lot of childhood paraphernalia and attire. It's proving to be a very difficult task for a few reasons: I'm a pack-rat, I hate to clean, and I have real ADD (as in, I didn't need to buy medicine from my friends during exam time...I had my own). The other day, as I was attempting to organize, I found one of my old journals, got distracted, and stopped cleaning. I started browsing through it and found the entry that inspired me to write today's tangent. Actually, it only partly inspired me. I was also inspired because one of my friends called me yesterday and told me that she made out with a guy who starred in Now & Then (okay, not so much "starred in" as "had one line in"...whatever, I'm still impressed). True story, folks. I think I was more excited about the make out sesh than my friend was. I immediately IMDBed this guy and confirmed the validity of her confession. Then I got jealous, for I, too, would like to smooch someone who has been in close vicinity of Devon Sawa. Anyway, the first half of this tangent's inspiration can be seen below: 

Now I'm not one to doubt my undying love for Señor Sawa way back when; however, I do have a few bones to pick with 11-year-old Melissa about this particular entry:

1. "Alot" is not one word. You should have learned that a long time ago.
2. Easy on the capitalization, bolding, underlining, and exclamations. It'll be okay. We get your drift about the importance of DEVON SAWA!!!
3. While it seems very unfair in your eyes that Devon Sawa resides across the country, miles and miles away from you, it's for your own good. I know you probably haven't thought this out, but any relationship consummated between the two of you would be deemed illegal in the law's eyes and would most likely land the love of your life behind bars. (Also, you don't fully understand what it means to consummate a relationship yet, and you've still got a few years until you do.)
4. Your little "P.S." addition makes me laugh. Let me get this straight: the main reason you and Devon can't be together is because of distance? It's merely a minor hindrance that he's a famous actor and you're an awkward preteen about to embark on your first year of middle school. Yeah, that makes sense.
5. Where did you learn that Devon Sawa was coming to Georgia? I'm fairly certain he'll never make it into these parts and that you made up that information. You're known to fib a bit at your age...especially in your journal. I'm not sure why because it's your journal, but if I can make a bold prediction, Devon will stay put in Hollywood. Let me know if I'm incorrect though.
6. Concerning that one in a million chance about meeting him...isn't it more like one in a trillion? 
7. I know what the outcome of that chance will be, and it's not going to work out in your favor. Sorry.
8. Why did you choose to edit this entry at a later date? The point of keeping a journal is so you can record your current thoughts. It's not okay to go back and edit history just to suit your wants, but again, you have some trouble with telling the truth right now so I'm not all that surprised. Also, way to be inconspicuous about it with a black pen. 
9. Your love for Jared Leto most certainly does not surpass your love for Devon on June 15, 1996. Your Jared Leto phase won't ever be as big because your mother doesn't allow you to watch My So-Called Life. You have to sneak around to do so. I know, Jordan Catalano is a fox. Boy, do I know. It's just that you're trying to water down your Devon obsession simply because he disappeared after Now & Then. Little do you know he'll be popping up 4 years later to star in Final Destination. No, he isn't nearly as cute post-puberty, but it's still not very nice of you to ditch him for Jared. I repeat: editing history is not okay.
10. Regarding the trip, you do explain what happened on the next page but it is not, as you put it, really, really FUNNY!!! 
11. You might want to rethink your nicknames. Mel, Eyeore, and Peace? Come on. Could you be any lamer? (Should you choose to keep them, make sure you spell "Eeyore" correctly from now on, but I'd strongly advise you to quit them altogether.)
12. One more thing and this has nothing to do with the content of your journal entry, but where did you put that purple pen? I'd really like to borrow it.

That's it for today. I hope all of you are having a relaxing and lazy Sunday. I'm about to go do homework (surprise surprise), but Mim is keeping me company as she grades some papers. She's kind of making me feel like an idiot because her second graders' cursive is much prettier than mine is now, at age 23. Not my fault. I never had to write in cursive past the 7th grade. Okay, adios.

Peace. Love. Yes, Devon, you can keep me.

tangent five: the bald and the beautiful.

Ello, Guvnah.

Yeah, that opening was pretty uncool. Forgive me. It's still fun to say out loud though. I doubt you can disagree with that. Depending on the kind of person you are, you might have even attempted to vocalize it yourself just now but then realized that the people around you were staring, questioning your normalcy, at which point you covered it up with some ridiculous excuse. I have a lot of friends who would've done that. I probably would've done that, so don't feel ashamed if I just spoke directly to you. Enough witty banter. It's time to get serious and tangential. I was browsing around on tvguide.com yesterday, trying to decide what I wanted to use as background noise while I did homework, and I found myself drawn to The Steve Wilkos Show. Let me take a few steps back and review who Steve Wilkos is, for those of you who couldn't figure it out from the picture. Steve Wilkos is best known for being the former security guard on The Jerry Springer Show. He gained fame over the years for wearing black and breaking up various fights between transvestites, fat women being two-timed by a skinny redneck, incestual families, midgets, baby daddies, members of the KKK, and many other interesting characters who chose to display their colorful lives on TV sans shame. He was also easily recognizable because of his baldness. The female audience members of Jerry Springer ate this up and bought tickets just to be able to rub Steve's shiny head. Yesterday his show's topic was "I'm 14 and want a baby", and I now feel stupider for having put myself through 60 minutes of what can best be described as "Captain Obvious telling people what they already know" or actually, "what they should already know". There are a lot of idiots out there. The show revolved around a 14-year-old girl (whose name I never caught), her mother (whose name I never caught either), the integral, life-changing "Ghost of Christmas Future" character who has already "been there", and the child's father, Roy (the only name I caught and chose to remember...I think maybe because it reminded me of The Office). If you're an intelligent human being, I'm sure you've already pieced together how the show played out. Actually, you don't really even need to be that intelligent to be able to do this...or human. I'm quite sure an ape could figure it out. None of that is relevant to today's tangent, but I thought I should warn those of you who were thinking about maybe watching it sometime. Don't. I have to admit I wasn't paying attention during the first 10 minutes of the show because Steve's bald head distracted me, and I started thinking about this professor that Adrea and I had our junior year of college. I won't mention his name, just in case he decides to google himself (because, let's be honest, people do it all the time); however, he taught a law class that only met one night a week for what felt like 8 hours (in reality, the class was only about 3 hours). Like Steve Wilkos, our teacher was completely bald, yet attractive in a weird, "you're intelligent and have a Southern accent and could sue me for all I'm worth" kind of way. Back me up, Adrea. Around the second week Adrea and I started making inappropriate jokes about what we'd like to do to his bald head (ie: rub hot oil on it while discussing copyrighting laws). When we got mad at him, the hot oil became tar and was sometimes followed by feathers. Towards the end of the semester he got way more tar than oil...it was a hard class. Irrelevant alert: we also had a guy in our class who looked like Emilio Estevez circa The Breakfast Club. He never got oil, only snickers and snide remarks about his outdated look and cut-off sweats. Adrea and I are really nice people. Dwelling on the hairless heads of these two unrelated men, Steve and my teach, led me to today's tangent. There aren't many men (or women...I'm an equal opportunist) who can go completely bald. I want to extend my utmost commendation to those of you out there who fit into this description, and while I don't have all the time in the world to praise everyone who is currently rocking (or has, at one time, rocked) this look, I would like to recognize  some of my favorites:

Billy Zane: 

I almost wish he had chosen to sport this look while portraying his villainous role as Cal Hockley in Titanic because if he had, I'm fairly certain Rose would have taken one glance at him and dumped Jack into the water early on, skipping all of that "I'll never let go" nonsense. I'm also a big fan of his constant 5 o'clock shadow. What a man. 

George Foreman: 

This man has successfully executed the 3 B's: boxing, burgers, and baldness. Not to mention the fact that he had the audacity to name all five of his sons "George". Ya know what? I think that's reason enough to add a 4th "B" to the list: balls.

Robin Tunney:

AKA Debra from Empire Records. While I always mimicked my behavior and style after Corey Mason (Liv Tyler's character), I am able to fully appreciate the "rebel" in any movie, especially the really edgy ones found in cult classics such as this film.  In my opinion, shaving your head in a record store bathroom during work hours adds cool points to your resume. Plus, after this movie Tunney went on to make The Craft and taught my friends and me how to play "Light as a feather, stiff as a board". But that's another tangent for another day. 

Howie Mandel: 

2 words: soul patch.

Vin Diesel: 

Not only do his pectoral muscles make me feel like a natural woman, but Vin is coming close to surpassing Chuck Norris in the "Terrible Jokes About My Strength and Abilities" category. He might have already surpassed Chuck because I'm not sure Chuck could rock the baldness and still feel like a man. Bravo, Vin. 

Britney Spears:

Oh, Brit. So much to say, so little time to say it. I enjoyed this look of Britney's. Watching her deteriorate right in front of America's eyes became a favorite pastime during 2006 and 2007. This particular protest only signified that rock bottom was near and that Britney really didn't have anywhere else to go but up...or to rehab...again. But all kidding aside, I'm glad you're doing better, Brit. Say hi to your niece for me.

Michael Williams:

No, this isn't Mickey Knox. This is Michael Williams and he, like some of the contenders on this list, rocks a nearly naked noggin on a daily basis. However, unlike the rest of the people on this list, he's a normal person, as in not a celebrity, as in pretty cool in my book.

And while these people and unmentioned others are able to pull off the "bald do" flawlessly, I have a specific request for certain people who just shouldn't...unless they have to: Zac Efron, George Clooney, Oprah, Jamie Lynn Spears (your sister covered this already, don't be a copycat), Michael Cera, Jennifer Aniston, Bret Michaels, and Mo'Nique. (Confused about her? That's why hyperlinks are helpful.) Although she would look funny without hair, I really just want you to visit her website. Another thing...because I lacked a tangent yesterday, I didn't get to wish my friend, Jeff, a happy 24th birthday. Yes, that's the same Jeff who made me the sweet mixed tape mentioned in tangent two. So happy belated birthday, old friend. I hope you dance. Okay, I'm off to create things. Later.

Peace. Love. RIP Rogaine.

tangent two: the collage.

Evening.

I just realized that it might be a little annoying to read this thing without any knowledge of who I am...unless, of course, you already know me, in which case this post might be a little redundant and boring. Even so, it's still possible you're curious about the collage of pictures strategically placed at the top of my blog. I know I would be. To cease the gnawing frustration in your soul, I've decided to explain my reasons for choosing those pictures. It's not a very unique or extremely interesting tangent, but I'm still recovering from last night and my creativity and originality seem to have gone on vacay together somewhere without telling me. I hope they return tomorrow. I've got work to do. Okay, here goes. Starting with the peace sign and continuing clockwise.

The Peace Sign: I like the peace sign. Not because I'm a nouveau-hippie or because it's the newest accessory fad in Hollywood. I've always liked the peace sign. And, to delve a little bit deeper, I think peace is something to strive for. I'm not sure anyone can really disagree with that. If so, let me know who you are because I'd like to kick you in the shins.

The Backstreet Boys: I am a teeny bopper at heart. I always will be. I like overplayed pop music, JTT used to have the power to make my heart stop just by gracing the cover of TeenBeat, and I still get excited every time BSB tries to make a comeback. They're old enough to be grandfathers, but I commend them for trying. In fact, I encourage it.

Bob Dylan Signature: Everything about Bob Dylan fascinates me. Everything.

Schrute Buck: The Office is the only show currently on television that I will make time to watch. I continuously laugh out loud, and not many shows have the power to make me do that. Also, Jim is a dream boat. I know, that's the most unoriginal statement ever uttered by a girl.

Maria & Me: This is one of the girls I nannied for this summer in Italy. She is 3 going on 13 and never goes anywhere without her pacifiers (yes, plural...she has about 12). She was also a big fan of taking pictures and pretending to talk on the phone. I miss both her and her sister dearly.

Running With Scissors: If you've never read anything by Augusten Burroughs or David Sedaris, please shut off your computer now and go to a bookstore. No, but really.

The Piano: It's my therapy. Don't get excited though, I'm not that good.

Jif Peanut Butter: There aren't too many things better than the first spoonful taken from a brand new jar. Offhand, I can only think of about 3.

Word Vomit: Sometimes I get nervous and talk too much. If you know me I'm sure you've experienced this. My off button suddenly stops working. It's not a very endearing quality, but I'm not sure how to remedy the problem. Suggestions are welcomed.

Football: SEC football...one thing better than the first spoonful of peanut butter.

Italian Sunset: I adore sunsets. I love when the sky is purple and orange and all sorts of colors in between. And I like it when the moon is visible. Wow, I couldn't have sounded more like an ad on match.com.

Hippos: If they weren't so dangerous, I'd find a way to own one. Favorite animal, hands down.

Toulouse-Lautrec's "Alone": This is my favorite painting. I enjoy art, but I understand that a lot of people don't. There's a lot of art out there that I don't get either; however, this one I get and this one I love.

Pisa Picture: I was only in Pisa for 4 hours, so there really isn't sentiment attached to the city. I just liked the picture.

Inevitably Awkward: I think this speaks for itself, especially if you know me. Sometimes this and the word vomit go hand in hand. I've accepted it. Sometimes awkwardness has its perks.

Grecian Hopscotch: If you have enough money to do so, then go to Greece. Forget about any other trip you were thinking about taking and just go. It still goes down in my book as the most fun trip I've ever taken. I'm planning on being rich one day and moving there. I'm just not sure how to make that much money. I don't think being in school and living with my parents will do the trick.

So, that's me in a picturesque nutshell. The cassette tape really has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I got bored on InDesign and got a little carried away. I did, however, receive a mixed tape from my boyfriend in the tenth grade. I still have it, and among the great classic rock songs on the mix (including "Melissa"...how sweet), "I Hope You Dance" can also be found on there. Jeff denies the fact that he ever put such an atrocity on one of his ingenious and historically famous mixed tapes, but I have proof. It's there. Not to change subjects so quickly, but I was very unimpressed with the lack of middle school attire last night. I waltzed in sporting my BSB t-shirt, Birkenstock clogs, and face glitter, only to find out that the majority of the party-goers decided that they only wanted to dabble in the keg and not in the fun of dressing up. As an added bonus to my costume, the glitter made my face break out. I really did look 13 again. Awkward. Alright, I'm going to watch Brothers & Sisters and nurse this day-long headache to sleep.

Peace. Love. Dance.

PS: Update. I have since revamped the look of Tangent M. The collage no longer exists. The photo at the top is a mere memory.