tangent thirty-seven: NKOTBSB. OMG.

Pinch me.
No really. Do it. I didn't think magic was real. That dreams came true. That Lindsay Lohan had the tenacity of a cockroach. I have proven myself wrong, dear readers. Scratch that. NKOTBSB has proven me wrong. I believe now that anything is possible. There are things you come to accept and eventually love when you get to know me. One of those things is my love for pop culture. More specifically, my love for 90s pop culture. And even more specifically, my love for boy bands. An announcement was made the other day that two of the greatest boy bands are joining forces. New Kids on the Block, pioneers of the sub-genre and Backstreet Boys, the prized objects of my affection since I first heard them on Star 94, are teaming up to go on tour. Why hasn't this happened sooner? And to all of you out there who once chose 'N Sync over BSB: You may have won a couple of battles back in the day. But look who's winning the mother f-ing war. Sure, you had Justin Timberlake in your corner way back when. Yes, he is amazing. He did all the work though, and once he went solo it was all over for the rest of them. Plus, NKOTNSYNC? No way. The current acronym is perfect. I know that to most of you this event is meaningless. And that's fine. After Millennium, the boys' albums didn't take too kindly with most people. I have bought every single one (physically, not digitally) and believe in some karmic way that this tour was meant to be for those of us who stayed true. I don't want to bore you with the other umpteen reasons why this tour will be magical. All I know is that I will be there with bells on. I will elbow my way to the front. I will call girls bitches for elbowing their way to the front. I will scream. I will cry. It will be the greatest night of my life.

Peace. Love. Dear Kevin, retirement's over.

tangent eleven: where are they now? (the TGIF edition.)

Greetings and salutations.

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but over the next couple of weeks my tangents are going to be few and far between. It's crunch time at The Circus, which means lack of sleep, lack of a social life, and lack of any extracurricular activity not pertaining to school. Sorry. There's not much I can do about it. I'll be sure to make up for it over my break, once this quarter is over. Okay, enough business. Let's begin today's tangent. TGIF was one of the best things that ever happened to my childhood. I'm sure many of you share this sentiment and can remember a time when a great Friday night didn't involve getting gussied up and bar hopping. Inviting a friend to spend the night, setting up a pallet in the basement, ordering pizza, and flipping to ABC were the only necessary components to make Friday night a sure-fire success back in the day. Ah, nostalgia. I recently watched Stephanie Tanner on Chelsea Lately, and I must say that the once obnoxious lispy smart aleck is actually pretty cool now. She has a real name (Jodie Sweetin), but I like referring to her as Stephanie. I want to personally thank her for inspiring me to write today's tangent. Thanks, Steph. After reading about her addiction to crystal meth a while back, I figured she had spiraled down into has-been oblivion, never to return again. Her interview with Chelsea rerouted my opinion and proved me wrong. She's doing well, she's remarried, and she has a fat daughter named Zoe. Pin a rose on her nose because I'm proud. Watching her led me to wonder what the other TGIF alumni are up to these days. I don't care about every single actor or actress who graced ABC's Friday night lineup during my TGIF era because some of them have stood the test of time and are still somewhat in the limelight. Some, however, did not rise to the fame occasion after their shows got canned. I haven't heard about these people in a while. These are the people I am concerned about. These are the people I researched. And this is what I discovered:

Scott Weinger: 

(Steve Hale--Full House)

While his Full House character appeared to be a bit of a dunce at times, in reality, Scott is quite the smarty pants. In 1998 he graduated magna cum laude from Harvard. Who knew? I always found Steve so endearing because of how stupid he acted. I was very upset when he and DJ chose to go their separate ways. I was pleased about his reappearance on the Full House series finale, probably more so than I was about Michelle finding her memory. Aesthetically, Scott's suffering a bit, but I have complete faith that his old All-American look can be restored with a little Rogaine, some Botox, Mystic Tan, and, most importantly, a letter jacket. 

Bryton McClure: 

(Richie Crawford--Family Matters)

It was uncanny how much Richie Crawford looked like Little Richard. I felt bad for the kid because due to the striking resemblance and similar nomenclature, he was forced to sport a Jheri curl-inspired mullet for 6 years. Clever casting directors. On the other hand, now he's looking pretty slick with his short hair and chin flair. He's also strayed away from primitive sitcom acting and channeled his diverse talents toward his role as Devon Hamilton on The Young & The Restless. Now that I know this, I will make sure to make that show an integral part of my week. I'll keep you updated.

Andrea Barber: 

(Kimmy Gibbler--Full House)

Next to Screech, Kimmy Gibbler was quite possibly the most annoying sidekick ever written into a show. I became so excited whenever she and DJ got in one of their rare fights and vowed never to talk to each other again. Too bad DJ was a nice person and had Danny "the moral police" Tanner for a father. They remained BFF for the duration of the series. I was always on Uncle Jesse's side about Gibbler. I was also on his side because I wanted to bear his children. Still do. As far as what Andrea's up to now...she lives in the UK with her hubby and two kids. Her children's names are Tate James and Felicity Ruth. You might be wondering what I think about her daughter's name. I'm going to be nice and plead the fifth.

Trina McGee: 

(Angela Moore--Boy Meets World)

Angela was such a badass. She embodied boho chic and dated Shawn Hunter, who was also a badass. I loved him up until he decided to sport a goatee in a "glimpse into the future" episode. (Not your best  look, Shawn.) Anyway, Angela was a badass then and by the looks of it, now she's a freaking smokeshow. Other than looking dynamite, she's also married with 3 kids. From hippie to hottie in a such a short time. You go, girl.

Sasha Mitchell: 

(Cody Lambert--Step By Step)

I was in love with Cody (let's be honest, who wasn't I in love with back in the day?) Yes, he was an idiot. Yes, he had a weird incestual thing for his cousin. Yes, his vocabulary was very limited. But still, something about him was very sweet and likable. Sasha Mitchell played the part well; however, from the picture on the right, it appears that Sasha has taken up bartending in the Caribbean. I was disappointed to find out that my conclusion was false. I googled Sasha and while I wasn't able to pinpoint exactly what he's doing today (the general consensus is that he's in Hollywood with his 4 kids and fixes computers for a living), I did discover other nuggets of truth about the former Code-Man that might tickle your fancy. His nickname is Sash. (Question...is it pronounced "sash" or "sosh"?) He likes spicy Chinese food with BIG red peppers (whatever that means). He has a giant tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder (fierce). Maybe not as cool as his unintelligent character. But at least he's got something going for him in real life. 

Shawn Harrison: 

(Waldo Geraldo Faldo--Family Matters)

Speaking of morons. Remember Waldo? His stupidity was on another level, much lower than the average human being. In reality, I believe he would've qualified for the "special" category but the writers overlooked this detail and wrote lines for Shawn Harrison that oozed denseness. Waldo was a nice guy, and I was really happy when he and Maxine, Laura's BFF, began their love affair. I don't understand why the writers thought it was funny to have both his middle and last names rhyme with his first. It wasn't. Shawn is still acting. His most recent work was on a cartoon called Legion of Superheroes. Shawn provided the voice of Timber Wolf. I wasn't able to find anything else on him, but I'm glad he got rid of the flat-top and grew out a mini 'Fro. It suits him a lot better. On a random ending note, I've always wondered how much it hurt Shawn when that basketball slammed into his head during the Family Matters opening credits. It didn't look very fun.

Blake & Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit: 

(Nicky & Alex Katsopolis--Full House)

Too bad Dylan and Cole Sprouse have already covered the cute blonde twin category. The Tuomy-Wilhoit twins don't really have too much of a chance to surpass them. It's hard to pronounce their hyphenated last name, and they're not nearly as cute as the Sprouse brothers. I wonder if they were mad at the Olsen twins for sharing DualStar with the Sprouse twins and not them. Despite their poor acting skills (which hinted the boys had been trained by the Olsen twins), they managed to coax "Awws" out of Full House viewers when they played Uncle Jesse's sons. I'm sure much of that had to do with the fact that Uncle Jesse as a father was extremely attractive. After Full House, the twins chose to return to normalcy as quickly as possible. In 2004 they started High School, which means they graduated in May. I'm crossing my fingers for a Full House Christmas special. I also wonder where the Tuomy-Wilhoit twins attend college, if they do. Good luck with everything, boys. If I were you, I'd nix the hairstyles and bring back the bowl cuts. 

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen: 

(Michelle Tanner--Full House)

J/K.

Jason Marsden: 

(Rich Halke--Step By Step, Jason Marsden--Boy Meets World, Nelson Burkhard--Full House)

I take my comment back about Kimmy Gibbler's obnoxious sidekick status. Any character Jason Marsden played tops anything Gibbler said or did. Talk about typecasting. He was probably most annoying in Step By Step, as JT's BFF. He eventually won over Dana's heart. She was a little weird herself, so I guess they were a good match. On Boy Meets World his character was named "Jason Marsden". Wow, someone in the show's creative department really got lazy. He was essentially the same character in both shows--the sidekick of an idiot. Full House was the only show Jason was able to break out of the box just a little bit. He played Nelson, but Nelson, although extremely wealthy and intelligent, never had a chance to end up with DJ. She just wasn't the superficial type and couldn't be won over with lavish gifts and a live, personalized performance from Frankie Valli. Plus, Nelson tried to go up against Viper. Viper was hotter and badder and made me giddy. To the best of my recollection, DJ chose neither suitor in the end thus opening up the opportunity for Steve's return. Those clever writers. Today Jason's voice is used for various cartoon characters. He's married to a script supervisor named Christy and he's best friends with Will Friedle (Eric from Boy Meets World). His favorite activities include drawing, ice-skating, blading, and swimming. He also collects Disney videos and even named his pets after the characters, Aladdin, Jasmine, and Lady. It's a shame he's taken. He seems like quite a catch.

The Dinosaurs: 

( The Sinclairs--Dinosaurs)

I miss this show. Back in the day I thought they were the Family Matters family dressed up as dinosaurs...and without Steve. I loved this show, and I recently found out that seasons 1 & 2 are out on DVD. It's very tempting. I'm not sure what the dinosaurs are up to these days; however, I do have some theories. Earl Sinclair (Daddy dinosaur) was chased down by Dan Conner for copying his flannel shirt. He was then put in solitary confinement for the plagiarism, forced to watch season 1 of Rosanne on repeat. He remains there today. Fran Sinclair divorced Earl soon after his imprisonment and married Alf for money. They reside in Melmac with their 2 adopted children. Robbie and Charlene Sinclair returned back to the prehistoric era and reunited with their childhood friends. Robbie is married, and Charlene is working on her PhD. They each send a Christmas card each year and seem to be doing well. Ethyl Phillips, the grandmother, is now a fossil and can be seen in the Museum of Natural History. Baby Sinclair, perhaps the most abrasive of the bunch, was actually Elmo in a dinosaur costume. Elmo continues to work successfully on Sesame Street. 

Another fun fact about TGIF: it stood for "Thank God It's Funny" not "Thank God It's Friday". I say ABC brings it back. Okay, I must digress. I hope everyone has a wonderful day. I am about to go work on my sketchbook and watch a free movie OnDemand. 

Peace. Love. Adios Tanneritos. 

tangent three: Hilary R. Murphy.

Happy Monday.

Instead of immediately starting on homework this morning, I chose to bide my time watching TV in bed, eventually flipping to ABC Family to catch an episode of Gilmore Girls. Damn good show but not the route I'm taking with this post. After that I got sidetracked reading emails and facechatting with my friend, Hilary. "Facechatting" is the verb used when two people are using facebook chat as a means of communication. Not to sound arrogant, but I'm fairly certain I coined the term. I'm pretty clever sometimes. If you don't know Hilary Murphy, please find a way to get to know her. She is one of my oldest and most interesting friends and never ceases to captivate me with stories about her daily life. She's listened to The Grateful Dead since birth and was genuinely sad the day Jerry Garcia passed away. I, being the consistent poser that I once was, only pretended to be upset after the deaths of Kurt Cobain, Tupac, and Biggie. Wasn't it only possible to be upset about either Tupac or Biggie? To the best of my recollection, they weren't on the same side. I tried really hard to look the part of a grieving, diehard fan. Our parents used to hold their breaths every time Hilary and I played together because it was always a gamble as to what would happen and how many things would be ruined as a result of each ridiculous shenanigan. For instance, one time we took every condiment out of her pantry and fridge (mustard, mayonnaise, chocolate syrup, ketchup, etc...) and had a condiment fight in her backyard. Her mother wasn't very happy with the outcome. Neither was mine. I think I took 11 showers that night to get rid of the putrid smell, and my guess is that Mrs. Murphy had to spend over $100 at the grocery store just to restock the various items we chose to use as weapons. Hilary and I also tried a hand in entrepreneurship, taking the classic lemonade stand idea to new heights. I'm assuming we didn't have the ingredients to make lemonade that day but still wanted to make a quick buck off of willing and gullible customers. So we proceeded to put the following items we found lying around my house up for sale: hair rubberbands (whether or not these elastics had been previously used is vague...I'd be willing to bet they had been), Murphy and Wood original paintings, done on computer paper, created in a matter of seconds right before our stand opened for business (probably because of the lack of other enticing merchandise), and stale Andes mints on sale for $1.00 apiece. I'm not sure if we were under the impression that the people of this world (or at least the people of my neighborhood) could be easily outsmarted by a couple of 9-year-olds or if we desperately needed the money to buy something as important as grape BubbleYum or slap bracelets. There's really no way of knowing. Needless to say, our profits were severely scarce at the end of the day (and by scarce, I mean nonexistent), and the "Hilary & Melissa's random objects stand" closed without any promise of ever re-opening. Another one of our brilliant ideas was captured in the picture you see at the top of this post. I am on the left, Hilary is on the right, and we are naked and covered in magic markers. Judging from the picture, we appear to be about 9 or 10, and it's your call whether or not we were too old to be doing things like prancing around naked in the sprinkler with colorful Crayolas in hand. I'm arguing we were not, and honestly, in the future, I'd rather my child do that kind of stupid thing than something on the other side of the stupidity spectrum like confess to me on Maury Povich that her vocational goal is to become a prostitute. Feel free to disagree though. Although I could easily waste more of your time with tales about my countless adventures with Hilary by my side, I must conclude this tangent here and end with a prayer that my funny friend used to say every night...Goodnight. Sweet dreams. I love you. God bless you. Thanks for being such a great friend. Don't forget to say your prayers. I'll see you in the morning. Peace, love and happiness. Hilary R. Murphy! Man, I miss her.

Peace. Love. The "R" stands for Redmond.